So most of you already know that Eric and I are expecting a baby. And, most of you know that it has been a long and painful road to get to this point. But setting all that aside for just a moment I thought I’d tell the story about how I found out I was pregnant. It’s kind-of a funny story.
A couple of weeks ago, I was approaching that time of the month. Actually, I was already a few days late. However, for me, a few days late means nothing, as I am often anywhere from 4-15 days “late.” My body just does what it wants. In the past few years and even more recently these past few months I have been really anxious hoping that we’d get that glorious news that we are pregnant. But in an effort to preserve myself from heartache and pain I try and wait as long as I can to take pregnancy tests. To me pregnancy tests are evil because they never have good news for me. As a matter of fact one month I took 3 pregnancy tests over the course of a few days and was so unsure because I was over 10 days late that I went out and bought a Clearblue that actually says the word Pregnant or Not Pregnant. Let me tell you, that was a bad idea for an emotionally fragile woman. When I took that test and it flashed over and over Not Pregnant I felt even more stupid and desperate. I was crushed! So for me pregnancy tests are nothing more than bearers of bad news but for some reason I can’t help but take them. I just have to know.
Okay, back to the story. I was already a few days late and it was Eric’s last day of work at the Coffee Bean. I decided to make him dinner in order to celebrate this momentous occasion but I had to go to the store to buy some ingredients. Since the month prior I had used all the pregnancy tests we had in the house I was gonna need to buy some this month. So I went to Target to buy the ingredients for dinner and took a walk down the aisle to find the pregnancy tests. I stood there for about 5 minutes trying to decide if I should buy one or not. I was arguing with myself in my head thinking, it was too early to take a test. But then again, I may as well get them now so I don’t have to come back in a few days right? Right! I grab the 3 pack and head for the cashier. “I’ll take the test on Friday” I tell myself as I walk to the car pregnancy tests in hand.
I get home, deliver that box of pregnancy tests to their specified location under the sink in the bathroom and head to the kitchen to cook dinner. But as I cooked dinner those pregnancy tests seemed to call my name. They were haunting me from the other room. I argued with myself as I cooked dinner. “I should just take one…No, it’s too early. I’ll just wait till Friday….But if I take it now at least I can get it out of my head….ahhhh.” It was 30 minutes of torture. My brain was conflicted. I was desperate to know but at the same time I was scared of the disappointment.
Finally, I cracked. I mean, I really had to pee so it was perfect. I walk into the bathroom, grab one of the pregnancy tests and took the test. But just my luck, that full bladder feeling was nothing but a hoax and I only peed like 5 drops and only about 3 of them actually landed on the pregnancy test! “GREAT, PERFECT! You just had to do it today! You just couldn’t wait a few more days. UGH!” I was so mad. I watched intently to see if those few drops would make the test read and of course, nothing. “Okay, so I’ll just save it and use it later when I have to go again.” That was my logical solution. So I went to the kitchen and started working on dinner undistracted.
About 30-40 minutes later I walked into the bathroom and the pink lines caught my eye. I walked over to the pregnancy test I had left laying next to the toilet and noticed that there were 2 lines, one line really dark and the other line a little less dark but definitely there. You would think that when I see that I’d be jumping for joy, but NO, I’m so accustomed to a negative result, I’m so used to the bad news that I didn’t even notice. The only thing I noticed was that this stupid pregnancy test read! I mean, how could only 3 drops have made that test read? “Oh crap. One line is darker than the other! What does that even mean?! Ugh! Stupid. You just wasted a test!” So, to spare myself the embarrassment of having to explain this whole story to Eric, I grabbed the test, placed it inside an empty box of pancake mix and put it into the trash at the bottom where Eric would never know and never ask me about it.
And that was the end of it. I was so crazy that day that I didn’t even notice that I had a positive pregnancy test. I went about my week as if nothing had happened until 3 days later!
So now it’s Wednesday night and I’m in bed. In the first 2 hours in bed I got up to go to the bathroom like 5 times. I was starting to get really frustrated. On one trip back to bed as I cuddled back into the covers I had this little mini flashback in my brain. I heard myself say “One line is darker than the other.” Over and over in my head I replayed Sunday afternoon. Half of me was convinced it was all in my head and the other half of me was almost certain it was real! I jumped out of bed, ran to the kitchen and began digging through the trash. Of course, we had already taken out that trash so I went back to bed. But my mind was racing and the possibility that I was pregnant kept me awake. I was so restless I had to go watch a movie in the living room to get my mind off it until morning when I could take another pregnancy test.
I finally got to bed at 3:30 in the morning. But my anxiety woke me up at 6:30 in the morning. I ran to the bathroom, ripped open a pregnancy test and then awaited me fate. Sure enough, within minutes those two lines appeared. I was completely in shock. It wasn’t the reaction I thought I’d have. I was just paralyzed by the reality and couldn’t believe it was finally a reality.
There was no way I could wait until Eric woke up to tell him so I woke him up and shoved the pregnancy test in his face before his eyes were even open. He was so confused about what was going on and it took him a few minutes to realize what I was shoving in his face. “Is that two lines? What does that mean?” “I’m pregnant. Can you believe it? I’m pregnant!”
It was a glorious morning indeed! Although I don’t know that Eric was too happy that I woke him up an hour before his alarm but I know he’s excited about being a dad. And I can’t wait to be a mommy!
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